I've spent a good deal of time in the last few days consulting friends, mentors, the library, and the webbernets about Per Diem and starting a company. Current mindset: With a lot of persuasion and a little bribery, I should be able to universally wipe that decision from recent memory.
I'm mostly kidding, but mein Gott -- I've definitely managed to find good use for the 'be patient' bullet in Anne Bogart's list o' handy tips that recently made the blog-o-rounds. There's been an amazing outpouring of good advice and moral support from every which way but loose. That kicks ass. On the other hand, I'm still the only person who has shown an interest in actually being a part of Per Diem. This feeds my inner punk ass adolescent quite well (which is a pretty significant part of my inner), but in the long run it far from kicks ass. But I have a couple of friends I still need to meet over coffee (or drinks, which might be more effective), who most definitely have a desire to hear more.
That was written one week ago today. I started the post towards the end of the workday, got distracted and told myself I would finish it the next day. I didn't finish it the next day: that night kicked off a whirlwind of a week, at which not only my blog, but also any Per Diem planning got sidelined.
Now, coming back to the draft, I can distinctly recall what I was feeling when writing those words, but I'll be damned if that sentiment hasn't dissipated. I still don't have anyone else on board as a member of Per Diem (but I also haven't had a chance to meet up with any of those friends, or anyone else, in the interim), and that still needs to change tout suite, but the pre-defeated self-deprecating tone, which I use to great lengths, really isn't all that prevalent in my mindset right now.
Lots has happened in the past week to help this along:
- Lookingglass Alice completely steered me back on track right as I was getting too stuck in my head about missions and concepts, etc. about Per Diem -- my weepfest in the lobby was not just a celebration of life, but a re-realization of what I wanted (needed) to create: work that was "the moment after what just happened and before what was to come." (Sorry for the horrid misquote, I reserve the right to edit after I revisit Lookingglass in a couple weeks.)
- Around the same time, in an e-mail from the recently reconnected friend I mentioned last week, she wrote that she felt inferior hearing about what I was doing in Chicago because she was still in college, and didn't really have an idea how the theatrical world actually worked outside of academia. I was extra quick to correct her on the inferior part, especially considering I still don't know shit about shit, but it did get me to stop for a second and acknowledge what I have accomplished in only two years (come September) in Chicago. I was a tried and true starry-eyed small town actor boy at the time, and ironically, every one of those qualifiers still fits me, but not all together like that. On the other hand, the things that I have taken on (and in) in that time have been no less than revelatory.
- The biggest introspection came from the directing project (again, look for the Bries Vannon side of Paul Rekk) that has taken all of my focus for the last week. It's my Chicago directorial debut and, actually, the first time I've directed since college (which, granted, isn't that long ago). Since I went to such a small school, it's also the first time I've directed a cast who I wasn't at least acquainted with before hand, which made putting on the director hat a tad different. And while we're tossing on firsts, it's also the first time I directed since all of the revelatory changes of the last two years (see above), which meant the director hat had taken on a whole new style anyway. But the show is tonight (double link for emphasis) and I'm really proud of what it has evolved into (enough so to warrant a triple link...), and the lessons I've taken out it.
Next time, in the thrilling conclusion, "Part 2": the lessons learned and the decisions made. And how the show went.P.Rekk